- "Porn is like pizza, even when its bad its still good ... but you can't accidentally eat a gay pizza." Matt Stephan and
Kyle Clark of the Doppler Affect.
- "The Simi High motto, 'See you at Moorpark!'" Matt Stephan and Kyle Clark.
- "Guitars are like sex, you got the Gibsons which are like really expenive hookers, it costs a lot but is totally worth
it. Then you got the Fenders, which are like a girlfriend, you gotta work at it a bit and itll cost you but you still get
it good. Then you have Epiphones, which are like virgins, not reall great but all it takes is a few drinks to get going. Lastly
you have Squiers which are like masturbation, yeah it gets it done but everyone does it. Amps, accessories these are all just
marital aids." Dave Herrmann and Kyle Clark.
- "Do you belive in hell?" Dan Faina. "Yeah, I'm in high school right now." Dave Herrmann.
- "Why the hell do they call the smallest candy bars 'Fun Size'? I think 'Fun Size' should be like a four foot candy bar."
- "Matt Craig featuring The Doppler Effect." Matt Stephan.
- "Sierra Mist, Yeah it's kind of like Sprite." Matt Stephan.
- "Are hippies communists?" Eric Kellegrew.
- "The only thing I've learned from public school education is that I'm never gonna use half the shit I learned." Every
High School student.
- "The best part about hell is that all my friends will be there." Mike Self
- "Hey look! It's both symbols of the Republican party, an elephant and a fat guy who fears change." Peter Griffin
- "Jesus you're a minute man" Matt Stephan. "I didn't hear you bitching last night" Dave Herrmann. "I didn't have time"
- (after kissing Ben) "You taste like popcorn. Did you eat popcorn recently?" Jessica. (pause) "Oh, i ate popcorn." Dave
- "I won't blame Germans for Hitler as long as they don't blame me for Bush." Ben Patton
- "Oh my god! Did we just hit a kid!?!?" Driver. "No, dog wearing clothes." Kevin Bellante.
- "If voting actually changed anything, it'd be illegal." Profane Existence.
- "Emo shows should be sponsored by Kleenex." Matt Stephan.
- "She's getting uppity." Ben (about Michelle). "Get the shovel" Dave. "Imagine if women dominated the world way back when
instead of men" Melissa. "We'd still be assholes. But we'd be justified assholes, cause we were oppressed." Dave.
- "The constituion was written so only smart people would understand it...which in a nation of idiots is a very bad idea."